TRO. Today I learned what this acronym means, temporary restraining order. I don’t know where to start because I don’t know where I am or how the hell I got to this moment. Yesterday I got an envelope with no return address. I tear open the envelope only to pull out this creepy as shit card. It had a monster with serpents, a rat, an some kind of figure that looked like an alligator fucked humpty dumpty and their child fucked Sully from Monster Inc. Inside the card, “you are always on my mind…~Me,” was written and included a polaroid of J and her kids. Not only is she using her kids to manipulate me, she is ignoring the very clear and consistent, “leave me alone or I will seek further legal action to insure you will leave me alone.” Naturally, I flipped out about the card and her complete disregard and lack of respect for my clearly expressed need of her to kindly LEAVE ME THE FUUUUUUUCK ALONE. Trying not to spin out in my hypomanic state, I texted E to inform her of what happened. This morning I woke up to a reply from E, “This is some serious stuff. I’d like to chat with you today if possible.” After a grueling 20 minutes of arguing and deliberation, E convinced me that filing a TRO was the next step I needed to take, in regard to my relationship with J. Since the moment I told E that J had been my therapist prior to our romantic relationship, she has STRONGLY encouraged me to report her to the board to get her license to practice therapy revoked.
24 months ago, today, I met J and from the first moment I saw her, I felt my world shift. Literally, something in side me awoke. We spent the next three months trying to define our therapeutic relationship because neither of us knew how to hold boundaries with each other. She would text me to check in with me and I texted her like she was a friend. That’s just how we operated. After three months of having a “professional” relationship, she and I both went on vacation (separately) and was in this time where we both felt a huge withdrawal from each other. With out talking about the real reason both of us were freaking out, she eluded to having feelings for me. When we both got back from vacation, we both were confused about where to go from here. We had already significantly crossed that professional boundary so much. Fast forward, she ended up coming to my house, twice, spending several hours with me each time. In one of these times she cried and I held her. I remember smelling her hair and feeling her body heat radiate off the back of her neck. I gently laid my lips on her neck, not to kiss her but to have her skin on mine. I saw her one more time in her office after that. We were both giddy and I was ready to seriously do this relationship but she was still hesitant. I figured because of the ethical implications of her job but honestly, I didn’t really give a fuck. I could be open and honest with her. I could tell her my dark and twisty life and she accepted me wholly for it…. because that’s what a THERAPIST does for a client. Later on that evening, she texted me and was very loose. She was drinking. I was drinking as well. We spent the next few hours texting about how we have real and intense feelings for one another. Flirting turned into sexting foreplay. Then she asked if she could call me. Of course I said YES!! So on the phone I could hear she was very inebriated and she was slight slurring her words. I didn’t care though; I wasn’t far behind her level of drunkenness. This is when she told me that she just moved out of her house; she filed for a legal separation from her wife whom her two kids would spend 70 percent of their time with. I was instantly sober.
This was the beginning of a whirl wind that would be my life for the next two years with a women 20 years my senior. This crazy would eventually end up exactly where I am … filing a temporary restraining order against J.