Coming off of a success yesterday I feel myself spiraling down. Went to Head Doc this morning for an impromptu sesh because I feel myself heading down a really bad path. Which ultimately was a really great thing because I woke up this morning feeling like total shit. I recently stopped taking Brintallex because it was giving me severe stomach pain. So now I’m worried that since I’m no longer taking that medication am I my headed towards a deep low?
[Stupid Therapy Behavior Modification Exercise]
Event: I am depressed
Feeling: I have no purpose/nothing to do
Behavior: being a little bitch baby, not hungry, sad
Physical reaction: laying in the dark, not eating, tearing up
Event: I am not depressed … I am bored
Feeling: If I leave my house and do something I enjoy doing I will no longer feel unhappy
Belief: I believe that this is 30% true/possible
Behavior: going to the beach and reading, go to a coffee shop and write, opening up a textbook and learn something new
Physical reaction: smile, laugh, get some vitamin Ds, skin will warm up from the sun
…. So how do I get myself out of bed?
“All success is fleeting.” We work our asses off everyday. Put in the groundwork to fight the depression, manage the mania and find/stay balanced between.
I try and I try but I always feel scared. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. So how do I turn on the lights?