Tags
beginner triathlete, exercise, fat, food, morbidly obese, obese, out of shape, overweight, swimming, training, tri, triathlon, triathlon training
After a 6 hour drive I made it home and crash for 5 hours. Then it was up and at ’em. Time to hit the pool. By 7:30a I was so incredibly humbled. No longer was ignorance bliss, I felt the full extent of the damage I had inflicted on my own body. My will and spirit were easily broken by the hand of the swim coach. Practice ended and whether it was pride or determination, I kept swimming to make up the 8 laps that I had to skip through out the swim set. Lap one through six, mentally beat myself up. Lap seven, physically beat myself up by pushing past my limits. Lap eight, surrender. Surrender to the pool, God, food, fat, working out, being out of shape, to starting, to meds, to bipolar/Cyclothymia/mood disorder not otherwise specified/what ever new diagnosis to derail me with. I just gave up? Gave it up? Not sure. I am sure that at the end of my eight laps I pulled my morbidly obese, shameful, body out of that pool and dumped out my tear filled googles. Today was not the beginning. Nor was it the end. Or the beginning of the end. It just…was. A moment. It came and then it passed. I made it through the moment.